How to Deal with Rejection When Dating Online

Facing and learning how to deal with rejection can be a challenge for people who start dating online. It is also an inevitable part of dating; almost everyone has experienced romantic rejection during their dating journey. 

With online dating being more popular than ever, it’s easy to be matched with—and rejected by—several people in a short amount of time. This can be overwhelming to process, but thankfully with the right mindset and a few confidence-boosting tips, you can learn how to handle rejection when dating in a healthy way. 

Forms of rejection on online dating services

Rejection can come in many different forms. Here are some examples: 

• Your date may directly tell you they don’t want to go on another date 
• Your date might slowly fade out until you lose touch
• Your date might ignore messages and ghost you completely

Why being rejected on dating apps is challenging

Before learning how to deal with rejection, it can help to understand what makes rejection so painful in the first place.

Lack of closure

No matter what the rejection looks like, it typically offers little chance for closure. People don’t often explain exactly why they don’t want to continue dating, leaving a lot of space for confusion.

This can trigger insecurities, often leading you to question yourself and wonder where you went wrong. You may wrestle with regret, anger, and hopelessness after being rejected.

Similarity to grief

The feelings triggered by sudden romantic rejection are similar to those of grief. Fantasizing and hoping for a happy and healthy relationship, but instead being rejected can be a surprisingly painful loss. Viewing it this way can help understand why rejection hurts so deeply and why it can feel so hard to deal with.

How to handle rejection without taking it personally

Because rejection might challenge your self-esteem or attachment issues, you might take it personally and believe that you are not likable or attractive. However, it is important to keep in mind that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person, and—often—people can reject potential partners for a variety of reasons that aren’t personal. 

A healthy strategy for not taking rejection personally can be reframing rejection by coming up with a list of explanations that don’t involve you.

For example, imagine that the other person decided to no longer date you because

• they’re still getting over a past breakup
• they’re distracted by a personal problem
• their schedule is too busy for a new relationship
• they’re still trying to decide what they want in a future partner or relationship
• they actually have a fear of rejection and are pulling away before getting too close, in case you decide to reject them

Even if the other person decides you are not compatible, it doesn’t reflect on you as a partner.

How to deal with rejection in five steps

To make rejection easier to overcome, try following these five steps:

1. Face your feelings

Like most challenges in life, the first step to overcoming pain may be to embrace it. Facing rejection head-on can be healthy and ultimately prevent us from falling into a spiral of depression and self-doubt.

When facing the discomfort of being turned down by a dating partner, observe what thoughts and negative self-talk might come up. Then, try detaching from those beliefs and remind yourself that your negative thoughts aren’t accurate, nor are they helpful.

2. Practice gratitude

Rejection can be a blessing in disguise; knowing that you’re not suitable for the other person also means they’re not suitable for you. Try to appreciate the other’s honesty and be grateful for the time and energy they saved you.

3. Learn from it

Finding meaning in rejection can help you get through it and grow from it. Try to reflect on what you can learn from the situation. 

For example, dates and relationships that turn sour can help you recognize some of your negative patterns and tendencies, or teach you what you are truly looking for in a relationship.

4. Avoid making generalizations

Even if you’ve been continuously rejected, try to not let it discourage you and convince you that everyone will hurt you. 

You deserve someone who will accept you just as you are, and with a variety of dating apps and dating sites to choose from, it’s easier than ever to find that person.

5. Don’t rush

Rushing into the arms of a new person just to get over a rejection might not work. Not taking the time to check in with yourself might result in bringing unresolved challenges to the next date or relationship. Take your time, and try to avoid the temptation to rush through your discomfort.

How to deal with rejection by improving your confidence

Rejection may be more likely to have a damaging impact when you struggle with self-confidence and self-worth. Thankfully, there are ways to build confidence and self-esteem that make it easier to learn how to deal with rejection with ease.

Stay positive

If rejection triggers negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, try to consider qualities you love and respect about yourself instead. Consider the values that are important to you, past accomplishments that you’re still proud of, or qualities you possess that make you a great friend and person to be around.

Focus on your positive qualities that don’t depend on anyone else or whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship.

Don’t compare yourself

Confident people may know that they’re not more valuable than others, and vice versa. Even if rejection feels like an insult, remember that the person who rejected you isn’t inherently better than you, nor are they judging you as being inferior to them.

Keep in mind that dating is about finding a healthy connection, not about ranking and comparing yourself to others.

Date yourself

Dating yourself while dating and meeting other people can help build confidence. Prioritize your own well-being and set aside time to engage in some self-love activities that allow you to reflect on how you’re feeling and what you need.

In this time alone, choose hobbies that have nothing to do with receiving approval or validation from others.

Surround yourself with the right people

While you might not want your confidence to rely on those around you, spending time with people who already know and accept you can help boost your confidence, especially when healing from rejection.

How to deal with rejection when dating online: FAQs

How to deal with rejection when dating online: our final thoughts

Dating is a numbers game: the more people you meet, the more you’ll be rejected (and the more people you’ll likely reject too). The more you’re rejected, the closer you may be to finding your true love.

That’s why it’s important to learn how to deal with rejection and understand that rejection is a part of life. Don’t let someone else’s rejection of you be the reason you reject yourself, your relationship needs, and the life you want.