Biblical dating vs. modern dating

Dating as a Christian in a modern world often poses the question: How do we date seriously, effectively and in God’s way?

When we compare biblical dating to modern dating we can often feel like what we want or believe is outdated. This can feel limiting on our chances of finding love. 

Christian couple holding hands

However, the Bible’s principles on dating are still relevant to this era. It’s just a matter of knowing how and where to apply them with context. For example, we don’t have to be in a field picking wheat like Ruth in order to have our future husband notice us.

However, there’s no harm in being active and putting yourself in circumstances of opportunity to be seen and approached by others. There is no need to feel like a fish out of water when it comes to mingling your faith with finding love in a modern world. 

It’s simply knowing how to adapt to the present whilst still maintaining Biblical teachings and standards. 

Common Christian dating questions you might have.

The first thing to do before you step out and date is to have a sense of direction so that you can have more answers than questions along the way. 

Some of the most common questions that Christians ask themselves when they date are the following:

  • Is online dating off limits for Christians?
  • Should I only use Christian dating sites?
  • What about long distance relationships with other Christians online?
  • Are dating apps better than dating sites?
  • Do we need to go to the same church or have the same level of faith?
  • Does the no sex before marriage rule still apply or is it outdated? 
  • Is it ok to date a non-Christian?
  • Am I allowed to date after divorce?

While the Bible may not have been written with the technology of today in mind it is still relevant to the 21st century. 

So, let’s explore each of those questions in some depth! 

What Christian dating site is best for marriage?

The truth is that any Christian dating site can lead to marriage if you connect with the right person. Dating sites don’t guarantee meeting the right person to marry, but rather create an opportunity to do so. 

Like any platform, you still need to approach it with wisdom and boundaries. Don’t become addicted to the choice culture or put false hope into believing it is the only solution God has given you to find a spouse. 

Most dating sites include a Christian community or faith option even if they aren’t specially a Christian dating website. Hence, the best dating site to find your spouse doesn’t necessarily have to be one solely dedicated to Christians. 

Happy Christian couple

eHarmony was originally founded by a Christian and still to this day remains one of the top Christian dating sites even though it isn’t marketed as one. 

Using apps and sites that are specifically for Christians helps you narrow down your choices as opposed to using a normal site such as Match.com. 

However, certain dating websites have a higher success rate due to the quality of users. Don’t be afraid to research first to see which one has the best reputation.

So, what will help you attract a better Christian match?

As a professional dating coach for Christians here are the key tips I recommend to increase your chances of finding a serious relationship online:

  • Use a paid site such as eHarmony or Christian Mingle. Paid sites usually produce higher quality matches because the people joining are serious about investing into finding love. 
  • Members who pay for a monthly or annual subscription have already shown a level of commitment to finding a match. This means they are likely on the site for the right reason and helps get rid of time wasters. 
  • Put some effort into your online profile so that you can attract better matches. This includes stating what you are looking for and the level of your faith.  
  • A bio that is clear, light hearted and intentional helps cut down the confusion for your matches whilst also helping compatibility for the matching algorithm. 
  • Upload some high-quality images that showcase you in your best physical state whilst still looking authentic. The formula is one headshot, one active photo, one group photo and one photo that shows you dressed up. 

Are Christian dating apps better than Christian dating sites?

Dating apps have a different feel to dating sites. They are easier to use, more accessible via your phone and usually ask for less information.

Because dating sites require more time and effort it can mean that they attract less people but a higher quality of matches who are ready for commitment. Writing a profile on a dating app is a lot simpler than a dating site. The focus is usually more on the photos that people can swipe through quickly.

Laughing Christian couple sitting

Look at what suits your lifestyle whilst also setting you up to meet your ideal standards in matching. If you are someone who enjoys the convenience and technology of dating apps then try a Christian dating app.  

The point is to find what works for you without compromising your biblical principles.

International Christian dating sites for long distance love 

You will be quite surprised to find the similarities between biblical dating and modern dating in this area! In the old and new testament, many people had to travel miles to find or seek the match that God had for them. 

Thanks to modern technology we can now see and chat with potential partners through international Christian dating sites.  

Long distance relationships are harder than normal relationships. My advice would be that if you are looking for love in another country or state, let it be because you plan to planted in a church over there.  

The Golden rules of Christian dating

If you want to feel like you are staying true to the biblical ways of dating then there are a few guidelines to follow so you don’t get led astray. When it comes to having the same level of faith and attending the same church, this is something to take into consideration.

The key biblical principle here is to not be divided in faith. Meaning that having the same denomination is fundamental to unity and following God’s word. 

If you both attend different churches, which is possible in a modern world, it’s not to say that you aren’t able to date. It’s simply a matter of discussing how to both adjust to this later on as your relationship progresses. 

God should be at the centre of your relationship, not the location of your church.  

Christian couple in love

As for no sex? Yes, this biblical principle still applies. Dating in a modern world doesn’t mean we can pick and choose what we want from the bible to suit our needs. 

The bible clearly indicates that sex and intimacy is reserved for marriage alone. This is a statement that many believers and non-believers find outdated or hard to comprehend and hold! 

The truth is that dating as a virgin or someone who is waiting for marriage to have sex can limit opportunities in who you date. This is why it’s important to date someone who also believes the same principles despite what the world deems as old fashioned or not.

Dating a non-Christian as a Christian

Does dating a non-Christian as a Christian mean you are going against Biblical dating standards? If we are to look at the Word, God states to be equally yoked- meaning you believe the same thing. 

However, in the book of Hosea, we see that God instructed Hosea to marry a prostitute who did not have the same faith at first. 

What is important to understand first is that by dating someone of the same faith you are creating less battles and have a higher chance of compatibility. Just because you are attracted to or have access to a non-Christian doesn’t mean God has appointed you as the next Hosea!

Read more about non-Christian dating as a Christian!

The best bible quotes about Christian Dating 

When you feel like you are confused about biblical dating vs modern dating, it’s always good to go back to The Word for Christian advice and guidance

Here are a few passages that are still very relevant in today’s modern world of dating: 

1 Corinthians 15.33 “Do not be deceived, bad company ruins good morals.” 

2 Corinthians 6.14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.”

Proverbs 31:10 “An excellent wife who can find? For she is far more precious than jewels.”

God is open and clear about His desire and plan for us to not be alone. However, He always gives us a choice in what to do and who we attach to. 

This is why equipping yourself with His word helps you stay on track when dating in today’s world.

Christian dating after divorce

Lastly, what about dating after divorce as a Christian?

I believe that God is a God of grace and that divorce does not have to mean eternal singleness. In a modern world where statistically speaking 43% of marriages end in divorce, it is a reality that many singles would have had a marriage before. 

However, let’s look at what His word says: 

In Malachi 2:16 God says that he “hates divorce” whilst he also says there are exceptions for it including immorality ( Matthew 5.32) and unbeliever leaving their spouse ( 1 Corinthian 7.15).

The bible also states in the new testament that under the sacrifice of Jesus we become a new creation leaving the old behind, meaning that His grace covers our divorce.

This can be seen as permission to be able to date, love and marry again despite your past which is indeed good news for all!

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