My Boyfriend Is Attracted to Transwomen: Why Do Men Like Shemales?

It’s no secret that men have had a fascination with shemales and trans women for decades now. But why? Is it just lurid curiosity, or does it go beyond that? Let’s dive into this question of why men seem to be so attracted to trans women.

Published: January 30, 2021
Updated: August 17, 2023
men gently holding his trans girlfriend

This article is for all men who find transgender persons, ladyboys or transsexual women attractive and who find themselves asking: “Am I gay now?”. We explore the reasons why straight men find trans women attractive.

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The attraction of trans people and the question of sexual orientation

For some people with a limited and often transphobic world view, being attracted to a non-cis lady is the same as being homosexual. It’s a misconception found across the states, from New York to Los Angeles and even San Francisco

However, finding a transgender woman attractive or desirable and being interested in TS dating doesn’t mean that you have to be automatically gay or straight.

Instead, it means that you appreciate that person for whom they are: a woman. Studies have found that the arousal patterns of cisgender men work in response to both cisgender and transgender women, while gay men are only aroused by men.

The bottom line is that if you’re a cis man and you find yourself attracted to a TS girl, you are unlikely to be a homosexual man. After all, sexual attraction to transgender men and women for heterosexual men or anyone else doesn’t mean your options from there on out are limited.

Instead, you are open enough to allow yourself to establish a genuine connection with an attractive woman, regardless of her past, or the gender identity assigned to her at birth.

My Boyfriend Is Attracted to Transwomen: Why Do Men Like Shemales?

What do Trans Women Look for in a Man?

You have to accept and respect your date for who she is and identifies as: a woman. However, for many insecure men, this can be a bit of a hurdle. 

The idea of walking down the street, holding hands or kissing a trans woman or even trans men can feel like a secret they don’t want to share in public. Check out this article for more information on what it is like to date someone who’s transgender.

If you’re someone who finds transsexual or genderqueer women attractive and you don’t have problems showing that openly, it’s a sign that you’re confident and comfortable in your own sexuality. And that is attractive!

It simply proves that you’re ready to build a connection with an attractive girl, regardless of her past. It only makes sense, as men with sexual interest in a person shouldn’t feel the need to hide it. You should enjoy your sexual activity with the one you are attracted to, period.

Loyalty is key

If on the other hand, you’ve got a problem being with your partner in public, then you might need to ask yourself some searching questions.

For example, would you have the same problem showing affection in public, hand in hand with a cisgender woman? If your response is ‘no’, then you have your answer: if you and your date are happy and connected, then it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

The problem for many trans women is that they are often kept ‘in the shadows’; a clandestine partner that is never allowed out into the real world. However, this is tantamount to abuse and, at the very least, is entirely disrespectful to the woman you are dating.

If you’d feel safer keeping your relationship with a transgender woman hidden away, then you might need to consider whether you should be dating her at all.

Our recommendations for transgender dating sites and apps

1. Her

HER is a mobile geosocial networking app focused on providing bisexual and queer women, as well as other non-binary women from LGBTQ communities. HER provides you with both a social media network and newsfeed for LGBTQ issues and entertainment, as well as giving you access to local communities. Registering is free to do and only requires a Facebook or Instagram account.

2. Buddygays

Buddygays is one of the most popular apps for casual encounters with gay men. It uses your location to find possible matches for you. You can either play the swiping game or simply scroll through a profile gallery and filter profiles according to your needs.

3. Grindr

Grindr is a location-focussed LGBT dating app. It gives users in-depth search options as well as settings to accept NSFW photos from other users. While Grindr was initially associated with gay men, its scope has broadened. It differentiates itself from other dating services by offering networking features and covering LGBTQ+ community issues.

How to Treat a Transgender Woman with Respect

While you might be someone who doesn’t feel constrained by the idea that gender and sexuality are binary, you might also need to think about what’s expected from you.

attractive trans woman

Remember: You’re Not Unusual

Many men who identify as transamorous can believe that they are alone. However, as things progress for the LGBTQ+ community and society in general, more and more straight and cisgender men are ‘outing’ themselves as ‘trans-amorous’.

In this day and age, biological sex is becoming less a focus on our attraction, as more open and inclusive ideas and communities gain traction. Today, there exist a myriad of identities such as asexual, pansexual, transsexual, and so on that through older ideas out the window.

There are online forums for men who find transwomen attractive, where you can discuss your feeling with other guys in the same boat. It’s also okay to talk to a friend about it, as people become more tolerant and accepting and transphobia is becoming a thing of the past. 

Finding trans women attractive isn’t unusual or weird, as long as you are respectful of the person you are dating.

FAQ for men who are attracted to trans women

Questions about trans experience and identity have been addressed from online forums to the Journal of Sex Research, where academics like Stephen Rosenthal, Alven Weinberg, and Jae Sevelius have contributed, and even by playwrights like Ramses Underhill-Smith. 

There are a mountain of questions and ideas revolving around the growing field of study around transgender individuals. However, there are also some everyday questions related to attraction and where it comes from that are frequently asked. 

Here, we’ll attempt to answer some of the most common questions: 

Is it normal for a guy to be attracted to non-op trans women but not men?

Yes, it is perfectly normal and is not grounds for you to completely throw away and idea of heterosexuality you may have. You may need to question whether you are bisexual or even homosexual, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t attracted to women and trans-women. 
There’s nothing wrong with finding the physical characteristics of a non-op trans woman to be attractive regardless of her genitalia, as you are attracted to her as a woman. Trans women transitioning can very much “pass” as women, which explains your attraction. 
The more important thing to focus on is whether you are attracted to them as a person or not. 

Why am I attracted to transgender women?

Your own sexual arousal or sexual desire for someone who is trans can stem from a variety of sources, originating naturally. Perhaps you find the combination of attractive male and female figures arousing, or just want to experiment. 
In either case, regardless of who your sexual partners are or will be, you shouldn’t feel any unnecessary shame about it. Sexuality and sexual orientation are on a spectrum, and the important point is that you simply are attracted to them and should be comfortable with it. 

Why is “shemale” so commonly used?

The term “shemale” is really one that only revolves around pornography and the sex trade. As a result, many people mistakenly assume that shemale is interchangeable with transexual or transgender. This is why you see “best shemale dating” services that offer “Shemale chat”. 
Anytime you see things like that or the “Shemale free dating” line, know that it is trying to capitalize on people who fetishize the sexual identity and even sometimes the ethnicity of trans people. 
As a result, there is a lot of people have a misunderstanding about transgender identity and of non-binary people, often sexualizing them entirely.